Living Together Before Marriage
miércoles, 12 de diciembre de 2007 by Shujel
Recently we received a request for viewpoints on whether people should live together before getting married. Well, after I was chosen as the lucky recipient of this task, I realized that every single person I knew had lived together before they got married. My wife and I lived together for about 3 months and out of all my friends, that was the shortest time. In fact, the only people I know that did not live together are my parents and they had an arranged marriage in India. Basically, my first thought on the subject was, "You mean there are people that don't live together before they get married?" So, I decided to scrap my pre-conceived ideas and look into the pros and cons of living together before marriage.
When looking into how to write this piece, I wrestled with whether or not to include the religious aspect of living together. The fact that it is a religious sin in most of the main stream religions is the most common argument I have found against living together. The reasons it is classified as a sin are numerous but, most prevalent, is the fact that living together and having pre-marital sex go hand in hand. Now, although this is a profound and compelling argument if you subscribe to those religious beliefs, my own viewpoint on this is far more practical. For me, living with my wife prior to marriage was for 3 reasons: Firstly, I could not wait to be with her. We met over the Internet and I was living in the UK at the time. I knew I loved her and had no doubts at all that I would spend the rest of my life with her. As Billy Crystal says in 'When Harry Met Sally', when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible! I quit my job, sold or gave away everything I could not take on a plane and flew out to San Diego. The second reason for us was that it was an economic necessity. With the expenses involved in getting married, it was impractical and illogical for me to stay in a hotel or furnish a new apartment. Thirdly, I am sure everyone will agree that the switch from an Internet romance to real life can be stressful at the best of times. In our case, it was prudent to live together for a while before we finally decided to get married as we did not have the luxury of real life dating to take the time to fully get to know each other. As it happens, everything worked out great between us and we will have been very happily married for two years in November.
This is not the only reason I feel this way. I have known people that have been living together for years and, from that experience, found out who their partner really was and that marriage was not right for them. There are things that you cannot really find out about a person until you live with them and if you are pressured into marrying the person, you may find out later that you have made a big mistake
When looking into how to write this piece, I wrestled with whether or not to include the religious aspect of living together. The fact that it is a religious sin in most of the main stream religions is the most common argument I have found against living together. The reasons it is classified as a sin are numerous but, most prevalent, is the fact that living together and having pre-marital sex go hand in hand. Now, although this is a profound and compelling argument if you subscribe to those religious beliefs, my own viewpoint on this is far more practical. For me, living with my wife prior to marriage was for 3 reasons: Firstly, I could not wait to be with her. We met over the Internet and I was living in the UK at the time. I knew I loved her and had no doubts at all that I would spend the rest of my life with her. As Billy Crystal says in 'When Harry Met Sally', when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible! I quit my job, sold or gave away everything I could not take on a plane and flew out to San Diego. The second reason for us was that it was an economic necessity. With the expenses involved in getting married, it was impractical and illogical for me to stay in a hotel or furnish a new apartment. Thirdly, I am sure everyone will agree that the switch from an Internet romance to real life can be stressful at the best of times. In our case, it was prudent to live together for a while before we finally decided to get married as we did not have the luxury of real life dating to take the time to fully get to know each other. As it happens, everything worked out great between us and we will have been very happily married for two years in November.
This is not the only reason I feel this way. I have known people that have been living together for years and, from that experience, found out who their partner really was and that marriage was not right for them. There are things that you cannot really find out about a person until you live with them and if you are pressured into marrying the person, you may find out later that you have made a big mistake
